Once again, the glass shatters. The bits and shreds fly in all directions, slicing whatever tries to resist. Nothing lives. What's left is a collection of familiar memories and dried up tear stains, that have proved useless in posing as a form of guard through countless experiences. What can i say? Pure stupidity? The dejection accumulated through undesired events jumping straight at me one after another, without the decency to take queue numbers, have slashed at me and left me breathless. All i want to do is to burrow a hole and hibernate till the hurricane takes the remnants away. I need my heart to start beating again, having the blood pumped back into each pathetic vein. Without cooperation, i am simply a hard shell with nothing in there worth peeking at.
2007 i hate you.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
a heap of something valuable to me..a mess
Messy is what you will use to describe a certain arena of my life, where it's worse than zooming aroung on a roller coaster ride, as what my life constitutes of is beyond the proper track the train runs on. In simple terms, many times, i will fly out of the train and land in a place i don't want to be, yet left with no choice.
The problem most of the time, is having too many choices on hand, and forced to make a decision when i don't think i am ready for setting a confirmed choice. WHY FORCE ME? alright..maybe i wasn't directly forced in any way, but mentally stressed up, i know that ultimately a decision has to be made because of all these factors surrounding me.
Hmmm somehow i am confused by myself. I guess the first two paragraphs didn't make any sense, but i shall just leave them there for the sake of it, and definitely because i am too lazy to hit "delete". Basically i have to make a choice, yet wait for e choice. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Where is my right? Am i just being led on to nothing AGAIN? i don't seem to learn my lessons, as i fall right back in without serious considerations. i know what i want this time (DO I REALLY? i don't know but let's just think that i do for now), yet i can't have it YET. i am made to roll out a ball of string and slowly string it back into a triangle, and MAYBE at the end of all those effort, i MAY get e prize. It's all a matter of probability which i am unable to calculate. I can't even make an intelligent guess, as it's simply too random. However i am wondering whether all those positive signs directly hinted and clarified, can be trusted. My desire to reach it is persuading me with loads of chocolates and ice cream, thus probably a biased choice..but do i really care that it is biased? is love supposed to be fair anyway?
The problem most of the time, is having too many choices on hand, and forced to make a decision when i don't think i am ready for setting a confirmed choice. WHY FORCE ME? alright..maybe i wasn't directly forced in any way, but mentally stressed up, i know that ultimately a decision has to be made because of all these factors surrounding me.
Hmmm somehow i am confused by myself. I guess the first two paragraphs didn't make any sense, but i shall just leave them there for the sake of it, and definitely because i am too lazy to hit "delete". Basically i have to make a choice, yet wait for e choice. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Where is my right? Am i just being led on to nothing AGAIN? i don't seem to learn my lessons, as i fall right back in without serious considerations. i know what i want this time (DO I REALLY? i don't know but let's just think that i do for now), yet i can't have it YET. i am made to roll out a ball of string and slowly string it back into a triangle, and MAYBE at the end of all those effort, i MAY get e prize. It's all a matter of probability which i am unable to calculate. I can't even make an intelligent guess, as it's simply too random. However i am wondering whether all those positive signs directly hinted and clarified, can be trusted. My desire to reach it is persuading me with loads of chocolates and ice cream, thus probably a biased choice..but do i really care that it is biased? is love supposed to be fair anyway?
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